Mini Date Lesson #4: Meet In A Public Place To Talk (And Listen)

Perhaps this learning point is obvious to other folks, and it took me a while to refine so perhaps it’s useful to others.

Mini Dates worked best when I chose public places with other people around, where I felt completely safe, and where it was easy to have a conversation and interact.  Quieter bars, restaurants that didn’t mind if we just had coffee, and coffee shops were perfect.

If 15 minutes had elapsed and I hadn’t said anything about myself, I’d say: “I’m really enjoying hearing about you. And I have a tendency to not talk about myself enough, especially when I’m meeting new people. What would you like to hear about me in the next few minutes?” I got asked a lot of cool questions from this open-ended question! Sometimes people would just turn my own previous inquiries on me, which was fine, too.

However, if my date replied with, “Oh, it’s OK. I don’t mind just talking about me,” this was a deal-breaker. It turned out to be a very good indicator that by date number 4, he still wouldn’t have asked anything about me or would barely let me get in word.

I liked frequenting places where the staff recognized me because it made me feel more confident.

I stayed about from movies and concerts because they didn’t allow for enough interaction and a brief enough meeting. Dinners are more interactive usually, but they’re still not a short enough meeting for a Mini date.

And of course I kept it public: absolutely no homes, work places, or secluded spots. The one time I strayed from this guideline, I ended up in an unpleasant but recoverable situation.

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